And I'm feeling good...
I am sitting in bed, on the last night being in my house. Everyone has been asking me if I am excited, and I always was just kind of meh - it felt like so far away, and still so much to do before it was actually going to happen. Yet here I am. And I'm overwhelmed with emotion.
I was talking to my good friend Natalie (from http://happyrockinlife.com) about all of this and she said something that has really made me think.... She said "I really believe that our houses have souls of sorts".
That totally got me thinking...This house has a part of my soul. This house was my grandparents house. I spent years of my childhood here. I have so many memories; growing up in this back yard having camp fires and family dinners, the living room covered in 70's wall paper playing reception on the afternoons my parents were at work, running around the park below my house playing in the leaves with my grandparents, the most ridiculous inappropriate halloween costumes in the bin in the basement... oh how I could go on.
Not only was it the house of my grandparents, but it's been my home for the last 4 years. After getting out of a troublesome relationship, I moved back home for a year while in school, and eventually found myself here, living in this house.
It was my first major taste of independence. Being truly on my own. My life completely changed after that. And somewhere along the way I stopped loving myself. I made choices out of desperation and pain; I settled for too much "less than stellar" treatment from boys because I thought something was better than nothing; I hurt people and let them hurt me back; I lost my way and I lost myself. I cried a lot in this house, fought a lot in this house, but in the end... I GREW a lot in this house. In those 4 years, who I was completely changed. The girl who moved in here, is not the same one leaving tomorrow.
I really didn't think I would be sad, yet when I look around the rooms in this house - every single one has a memory linked to it - of a time in my life that felt like chaos (sprinkled with some happy fun times - don't get me wrong). It's funny that I feel like something as simple as moving to a new home, is the end of a chapter in my life. But it is... This chapter was one that broke me down completely, so I could become who I needed to. I feel like I'm grieving that sad girl who once lived here, and by saying goodbye to her, and all the things I went through in this house, I am opening myself up for all of the amazing things to come.
I felt, on my birthday this past month, that my 27th year would be one like I've never experienced. It would be new, it would be exciting, and it would be the first time I'm truly living my best life, as my best self. Sure we will always grow and be better and I am by no means perfect, but for once I feel like I know who I am and what I want. Just like when I moved into this house, when I move out - everything will have changed.
Someone recently said to me "the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour", and while I understand how in some cases that can be very true (especially if people see no issue or take no accountability for said behaviour), I think it can also be very false. If I predicted my future behaviour by my past...well. That would suck. Thankfully, it's not my future!
It's both poetic and beautiful really... The end of an era, both physically and emotionally coming to a close all at the same time. Kinda cool how life works out like that.
This post ended up more just being a way for me to process all this stuff I was feeling. But I guess - in hopes of relating it back to anyone reading this - if I could leave with you with asking yourself if you're truly living, breathing and being who you truly want to be. If when you look in the mirror of your life, you really feel like the person being shown to you is who and what you want to see.
Are you being what you need to be? Are you being someone who is authentic and true and in line with their best self? Are you being your perfectly imperfect self? And if not - how can you look at your present life and grow from it?
I want for you to look back at those "broken" times - and no longer see them as pain, but see them as growth, and set out in a new direction while smiling at the past.
--Elyse
xoxo
P.S. - I love Oprah. She's the shit. Thank's for the quotes!
I am sitting in bed, on the last night being in my house. Everyone has been asking me if I am excited, and I always was just kind of meh - it felt like so far away, and still so much to do before it was actually going to happen. Yet here I am. And I'm overwhelmed with emotion.
I was talking to my good friend Natalie (from http://happyrockinlife.com) about all of this and she said something that has really made me think.... She said "I really believe that our houses have souls of sorts".
That totally got me thinking...This house has a part of my soul. This house was my grandparents house. I spent years of my childhood here. I have so many memories; growing up in this back yard having camp fires and family dinners, the living room covered in 70's wall paper playing reception on the afternoons my parents were at work, running around the park below my house playing in the leaves with my grandparents, the most ridiculous inappropriate halloween costumes in the bin in the basement... oh how I could go on.
Not only was it the house of my grandparents, but it's been my home for the last 4 years. After getting out of a troublesome relationship, I moved back home for a year while in school, and eventually found myself here, living in this house. It was my first major taste of independence. Being truly on my own. My life completely changed after that. And somewhere along the way I stopped loving myself. I made choices out of desperation and pain; I settled for too much "less than stellar" treatment from boys because I thought something was better than nothing; I hurt people and let them hurt me back; I lost my way and I lost myself. I cried a lot in this house, fought a lot in this house, but in the end... I GREW a lot in this house. In those 4 years, who I was completely changed. The girl who moved in here, is not the same one leaving tomorrow.
I really didn't think I would be sad, yet when I look around the rooms in this house - every single one has a memory linked to it - of a time in my life that felt like chaos (sprinkled with some happy fun times - don't get me wrong). It's funny that I feel like something as simple as moving to a new home, is the end of a chapter in my life. But it is... This chapter was one that broke me down completely, so I could become who I needed to. I feel like I'm grieving that sad girl who once lived here, and by saying goodbye to her, and all the things I went through in this house, I am opening myself up for all of the amazing things to come.
I felt, on my birthday this past month, that my 27th year would be one like I've never experienced. It would be new, it would be exciting, and it would be the first time I'm truly living my best life, as my best self. Sure we will always grow and be better and I am by no means perfect, but for once I feel like I know who I am and what I want. Just like when I moved into this house, when I move out - everything will have changed.
Someone recently said to me "the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour", and while I understand how in some cases that can be very true (especially if people see no issue or take no accountability for said behaviour), I think it can also be very false. If I predicted my future behaviour by my past...well. That would suck. Thankfully, it's not my future!
It's both poetic and beautiful really... The end of an era, both physically and emotionally coming to a close all at the same time. Kinda cool how life works out like that.
This post ended up more just being a way for me to process all this stuff I was feeling. But I guess - in hopes of relating it back to anyone reading this - if I could leave with you with asking yourself if you're truly living, breathing and being who you truly want to be. If when you look in the mirror of your life, you really feel like the person being shown to you is who and what you want to see.
Are you being what you need to be? Are you being someone who is authentic and true and in line with their best self? Are you being your perfectly imperfect self? And if not - how can you look at your present life and grow from it?
I want for you to look back at those "broken" times - and no longer see them as pain, but see them as growth, and set out in a new direction while smiling at the past.
--Elyse
xoxo
P.S. - I love Oprah. She's the shit. Thank's for the quotes!
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