Decisions, decisions

WHY ARE DECISIONS SO HARD?!?!

I've realized the past while, that I have a super hard time making decisions. A little while ago it came to my attention that I was playing the same pattern over and over again in many areas of my life. Decisions about relationships, about careers, about what to do that night or weekend were decisions I was flip flopping back and forth about a hundred times! Why is it so hard? It seems ridiculous. I don't know how many times I hear people, or I myself have said "I just wish someone would tell me what to do". Why do we want OTHERS to be able to make our decisions for us? Isn't that one of the greatest things we have - the power to choose?

WELL because, for me anyways, I'm so afraid to make the "wrong" decision. I'm afraid someone will judge me, or I'll cause myself stress, or pain, or I'm afraid of all the "what if's" that go along with any scenario on this earth. So I guess my question is - who the eff cares? I'm not talking about life threatening choices like doing crystal meth (insert fat Amy quote):

but when you're talking about general life decisions, is there such thing as making the wrong decision? What defines something as wrong or right? FOR INSTANCE, I just bought a condo. Big ass decision right there. Lost sleep over that one. I went back and forth worrying about it. Was it the "right thing"? Everyone had an opinion (lots were very helpful), everyone has things they liked, and things they were concerned about or told me to look into. And I spent time thinking and mulling over all the THINGS that I needed to consider. But I also spent time worrying about  what others would think, or the potential risks and what ifs that go along with a big life changer like this. But I did my research, and I looked into all my options, and thought about my needs, and what I wanted. And most importantly I checked in with myself. After taking in all this information about one of the biggest purchases of my life - what felt right? All the advice, all the information - all had a role, but ultimately it was up to me to decide how I felt about it all. And trust that. And go with it, even if it's scary.

I've had experiences throughout my life where I am certain I've been judged for my decisions. Whether it was choices about guys, friends judging each other in high school, choices about my career and changing my mind 800 times or taking steps toward my dream career - whatever that is - etc. I've talked to friends who have felt like they've been judged for choices about the type of weddings they've had, their choice of lifestyle (again, not talking robbing banks or something),  choice of partner, buying a house vs renting an apartment, who you're friends with, who you're not friends with, whatever.  Lots of people do it, and lots of people have had it done to them, and I've been on both sides of it various times in my life.

Why the hell do we do that? Why do we judge people for the decisions that they make about their OWN lives? Don't we think they know what's best for them? Don't we think WE know what's best for us? And really, whats the worst case scenario? So I make the wrong career move, or date the wrong person, or buy a car that ends up being a lemon... so what?! It may cause me some stress or pain or whatever, sure - but if I learn and grow from it isn't that a net positive? Even if I make a mistake, is that the end of the world? I could go back and say that I've made some decisions in my life that certainly made things "harder" for me at the time. But when I look at who I am now, and who I've grown to become and all the things I've learned from those hard painful stressful times, I'm pretty damn pleased with myself and who I am.

We learn through trial and error. We learn from mistakes and "wrong" choices. We learn from great choices and the happiest of times. We learn from choices. Period. So lets all let each other make choices, and learn, and grow, and experience pain, and be happy, and experience joy - all of it. Let's trust that everyone knows what's best for them and allow people to make their choices, and support them no matter what. Let's take away the judgement. And allow people to trust themselves rather than worry about listening to us and all our judgey-judgerson thoughts. Let's just BE THERE. When it turns out people make the right decision for them - we celebrate it. When they make a decision that maybe causes stress or pain, we are there for that too. And let's trust ourselves to make the best decision for us, with all the information we have at the time. If it blows up in our faces - well then hopefully we learn some lessons from it.

You never know which "right" or "wrong" scary ass choice is going to be the perfect thing that you need, at the perfect time. And for that reason alone, we are lucky to have the choice. With every scary choice we make, there's the opportunity for something to be a new exciting chapter in your life. Like becoming a home owner for the first time :)

--Elyse