It's 2015.
And it's been awhile since I've written a blog. November was the month of Bronchitis, December was the month of being a lazy exhausted blob... and I just didn't have it in me. But recently I've been getting some nudges, from all over to get back at it. So I took that as a sign to just jump back into it. Start writing until something comes out.... Words words words.... ahhh here we go:
As many people know, my little Dexter was momentarily diagnosed with having cancer. I had a mom dog meltdown. Dex is only a little over 6! He's not supposed to be getting cancer for eff sakes. He got his little lump removed, and then we waited for the results. Thankfully, when they came back HE WAS ALLLLLL HEALTHY. No cancer for this rexer bear. And many years of snuggles and love and photos and grandma feeding him treats behind my back to come.
This whole, situation was very timely and interesting though (isn't it always?). Prior to finding out Dexter's possible diagnosis, I was having a conversation with a friend about dating. We were talking about how it can be scary to want to trust people with our hearts and our emotions. It can be scary to be open and vulnerable with people, and allow them to really get to know you because it can blow up in your face. It can really mess with your brain. Maybe it's past pain that's causing it, or maybe it's just the fear of unknown of what could be that's causing you to hold back.. but there's something there saying "NO! Don't trust this person with your heart" and so you don't allow yourself to be there and be present and be all in because it could hurt like hell if it ends. The more I thought about it, this type of fear applies to a lot of things.. friends, going for that new career opportunity, or even just reaching outside of your comfort zone... what if it hurts?
Circle back to Dex possibly having cancer, and my doggy melt down. My heart was absolutely breaking at the thought of not having him in my life (I'm aware this was all a bit premature but that's what Crazy Dog Mom Syndrome does to a girl). I thought about him not coming to greet me at the door. Or him snoring all damn night from the floor...or maybe the bed... Him snuggling beside me on the couch as we binge watch Netflix, dates at the doggy park, the way he has so much personality sometimes it makes me laugh out loud as if I was in the room with a best friend, the way he knows when I'm sad and he's always there. I got him as a gift during one of the biggest transitions in my life... And he's been there for the past 6 years through so many other painful, heartbreaking, amazing, scary, fun, exhilarating, exciting, life changing, what the fuck is happening transitions... He's been the most consistent, normal, constant thing in my day to day for the past 6+ years.... What in the hell will happen if he's gone... The thought of it felt suffocating.
Thank the LORD he's ok. And he'll be around for me to love more and more and more for many years (while slipping further down the crazy dog mom rabbit hole). But it made me think... Here's a being (I like to pretend he's pretty much human - but for the sake of this blog I won't go that far, as I know some may disagree), who has been part of my day to day, who I love as if it's my actual child (studies prove us crazy dog people do love them like that), who has brought so much joy to my life, who I have so many memories of, who when/if (holding out hope for a live forever pill) he dies.... I will be heart broken. It's so terrifying I can't even talk about it without tearing up.
But would I EVER EVER EVER change the fact that he's in my life? Avoid having him in my life just so that I don't have to feel the pain when he dies? Hell. No. You couldn't pay me to get rid of this dog. Not for a million dollars.
So why the hell would I avoid loving people and experiences and life, just because I'm afraid something will hurt?
Now... I'm aware people can be assholes sometimes, and well dexter is just not an asshole (one time he pooped on the floor two times in one week because he was mad at me... but everyone has bad days). Us humans are complicated creatures, and we've all got pasts and pains and experiences that lead us to maybe be a bit more assholish, or not. We are afraid, and we hurt each other sometimes, and we make choices that other people do not understand or see coming (we're all just doing the best we can at the time believe it or not). So... the risk of someone hurting us because of the things they've experienced or think or feel is greater, and we can't control that. We also can't always control the way situations pan out.. that if we go outside of our comfort zone, it won't completely bomb. BUT, maybe that means the type of love and experiences we can have is greater too. The whole greater risk vs greater reward idea.
And what if we trust and love and feel and live our lives knowing that sure, maybe pain will come one day (in one form or another), but we also have the possibility of creating so much love and learning and happy amazing memories that even if that person or experience leaves or changes, we wouldn't change it for the world. After the pain of them being gone subsides (after all grieving is a natural thing) what if we just could smile and be thankful for all of the amazing things we gained from the experience, and keep living our amazing full lives?
AND, even in the most effed up, painful, ridiculous, "why was I such an idiot and did that" situations we can learn something... we can grow. I have MANY of those situations... that hurt like all hell at the time, that I thought WTFFFF am I doing? Situations that I look back on and think "holy shit I don't even know that girl anymore"... But I wouldn't change them. Because those situations, and that pain or whatever I felt is what pushed me to grow.
And here's a fun thought. What if the more we just opened ourselves up to love (love of ourselves, love of others, love of life, love of all experiences good and bad) the more positive experiences, and people and thoughts we would attract in? Chances are the more positive loving energy we embody, the more love filled stuff we will get back into our lives. And the more fear of being hurt, the more anger, the more barriers and walls we put up, the more we will attract experiences and people and thoughts that create more of that. A big ol' circle.
What if we just loved our lives, people, experiences, situations as much as we love our dogs? That crazy dog lady level of love. And not only does it feel great to love something that much, but when you see someone ELSE who loves something that much, you can't help but smile from the inside out... Your own energy changes when you feel and see the love and light of someone else feeling those things.
What if we looked at the pain of losing something or something not working out like we had hoped, and be ok with feeling that pain, but seeing the learning experiences from it and growing through that pain? So that one day we look back, and we have fond memories of a time in our life, that lead to some pain, but ultimately growth and more love and more learning that could lead you further down the beautiful life path you have ahead of you.
How would your memories and experiences change if you could see all situations with love, grow from pain, but ultimately be thankful for the experience? How would you change the energy of those around you and make their lives better - even if just for a few moments - by being in LOVE with everything around you as best you can?
How could your life change if you started loving life/people/experiences at Crazy Dog Lady Level Expert?
Happy New Year!!
xoxoxo
Love Elyse and Dexter
And it's been awhile since I've written a blog. November was the month of Bronchitis, December was the month of being a lazy exhausted blob... and I just didn't have it in me. But recently I've been getting some nudges, from all over to get back at it. So I took that as a sign to just jump back into it. Start writing until something comes out.... Words words words.... ahhh here we go:
This whole, situation was very timely and interesting though (isn't it always?). Prior to finding out Dexter's possible diagnosis, I was having a conversation with a friend about dating. We were talking about how it can be scary to want to trust people with our hearts and our emotions. It can be scary to be open and vulnerable with people, and allow them to really get to know you because it can blow up in your face. It can really mess with your brain. Maybe it's past pain that's causing it, or maybe it's just the fear of unknown of what could be that's causing you to hold back.. but there's something there saying "NO! Don't trust this person with your heart" and so you don't allow yourself to be there and be present and be all in because it could hurt like hell if it ends. The more I thought about it, this type of fear applies to a lot of things.. friends, going for that new career opportunity, or even just reaching outside of your comfort zone... what if it hurts?
Circle back to Dex possibly having cancer, and my doggy melt down. My heart was absolutely breaking at the thought of not having him in my life (I'm aware this was all a bit premature but that's what Crazy Dog Mom Syndrome does to a girl). I thought about him not coming to greet me at the door. Or him snoring all damn night from the floor...or maybe the bed... Him snuggling beside me on the couch as we binge watch Netflix, dates at the doggy park, the way he has so much personality sometimes it makes me laugh out loud as if I was in the room with a best friend, the way he knows when I'm sad and he's always there. I got him as a gift during one of the biggest transitions in my life... And he's been there for the past 6 years through so many other painful, heartbreaking, amazing, scary, fun, exhilarating, exciting, life changing, what the fuck is happening transitions... He's been the most consistent, normal, constant thing in my day to day for the past 6+ years.... What in the hell will happen if he's gone... The thought of it felt suffocating.
Thank the LORD he's ok. And he'll be around for me to love more and more and more for many years (while slipping further down the crazy dog mom rabbit hole). But it made me think... Here's a being (I like to pretend he's pretty much human - but for the sake of this blog I won't go that far, as I know some may disagree), who has been part of my day to day, who I love as if it's my actual child (studies prove us crazy dog people do love them like that), who has brought so much joy to my life, who I have so many memories of, who when/if (holding out hope for a live forever pill) he dies.... I will be heart broken. It's so terrifying I can't even talk about it without tearing up.
But would I EVER EVER EVER change the fact that he's in my life? Avoid having him in my life just so that I don't have to feel the pain when he dies? Hell. No. You couldn't pay me to get rid of this dog. Not for a million dollars.
So why the hell would I avoid loving people and experiences and life, just because I'm afraid something will hurt?
Now... I'm aware people can be assholes sometimes, and well dexter is just not an asshole (one time he pooped on the floor two times in one week because he was mad at me... but everyone has bad days). Us humans are complicated creatures, and we've all got pasts and pains and experiences that lead us to maybe be a bit more assholish, or not. We are afraid, and we hurt each other sometimes, and we make choices that other people do not understand or see coming (we're all just doing the best we can at the time believe it or not). So... the risk of someone hurting us because of the things they've experienced or think or feel is greater, and we can't control that. We also can't always control the way situations pan out.. that if we go outside of our comfort zone, it won't completely bomb. BUT, maybe that means the type of love and experiences we can have is greater too. The whole greater risk vs greater reward idea.
And what if we trust and love and feel and live our lives knowing that sure, maybe pain will come one day (in one form or another), but we also have the possibility of creating so much love and learning and happy amazing memories that even if that person or experience leaves or changes, we wouldn't change it for the world. After the pain of them being gone subsides (after all grieving is a natural thing) what if we just could smile and be thankful for all of the amazing things we gained from the experience, and keep living our amazing full lives?
AND, even in the most effed up, painful, ridiculous, "why was I such an idiot and did that" situations we can learn something... we can grow. I have MANY of those situations... that hurt like all hell at the time, that I thought WTFFFF am I doing? Situations that I look back on and think "holy shit I don't even know that girl anymore"... But I wouldn't change them. Because those situations, and that pain or whatever I felt is what pushed me to grow.
And here's a fun thought. What if the more we just opened ourselves up to love (love of ourselves, love of others, love of life, love of all experiences good and bad) the more positive experiences, and people and thoughts we would attract in? Chances are the more positive loving energy we embody, the more love filled stuff we will get back into our lives. And the more fear of being hurt, the more anger, the more barriers and walls we put up, the more we will attract experiences and people and thoughts that create more of that. A big ol' circle.
What if we just loved our lives, people, experiences, situations as much as we love our dogs? That crazy dog lady level of love. And not only does it feel great to love something that much, but when you see someone ELSE who loves something that much, you can't help but smile from the inside out... Your own energy changes when you feel and see the love and light of someone else feeling those things.
What if we looked at the pain of losing something or something not working out like we had hoped, and be ok with feeling that pain, but seeing the learning experiences from it and growing through that pain? So that one day we look back, and we have fond memories of a time in our life, that lead to some pain, but ultimately growth and more love and more learning that could lead you further down the beautiful life path you have ahead of you.
How would your memories and experiences change if you could see all situations with love, grow from pain, but ultimately be thankful for the experience? How would you change the energy of those around you and make their lives better - even if just for a few moments - by being in LOVE with everything around you as best you can?
How could your life change if you started loving life/people/experiences at Crazy Dog Lady Level Expert?
Happy New Year!!
xoxoxo
Love Elyse and Dexter
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