Oh haaaaaay.👋👋👋
Most inconsistent blog writer ever. Anywhoooo
Negative emotions can really be shitty. Pain, fear, sadness,
anger… they all feel so… icky. We’ve all been there when we are going through
something (or a ton of things, because sometimes when it rains it pours), and
you literally feel like you want to crawl out of your skin because the feeling
of whatever you’re experiencing is so physically and emotionally uncomfortable, you cannot handle it.
Right now, I’m experiencing some STUFFFFFF coming up. A lot
of this stuff is from years ago… things I thought I had a handle on. Things I
felt like would never cause me pain again. HA. That wasn’t the case. Yes I had
done a ton of work on these past experiences over the past 3 years, and in
the majority of ways, I had healed it. I was goooooooood. But there were these
extra little tidbits still hanging around deep down, that were waiting for the
right person/situation/time to trigger it all. Like HEY!! WE STILL HERE!! I
felt kind of pissed to be honest. I did all this work, I am happy, I have
created a wonderful life for myself full of so much amazingness. What the H are
you doing back? AND WHY NOW. Not cool.
One of the things I experienced right after this stuff came
up, was the physical sensation of feeling RAW. Like someone had removed
all my skin – Silence of the Lamb’s style – and all of my nerves were just out
there ready to be irritated. A slight breeze from someone walking by me made me feel like I wanted to
scream. Since then, these emotions have been manifesting in various ways in my
body and mind. I’ve felt this deep pain or hurt or sadness right in my chest, feeling like it was right under the surface waiting to burst out of my chest. I
have been angry as eff about absolutely nothing. I’ve felt TIRED, foggy,
distracted, sad and like I want to hibernate in my bed. And then at other
times I’ve felt totally happy, with these little emotional gremlins just
hanging out under the surface reminding me that they are still there and to not
let myself feel too good, because they would be back in full swing again soon.
Super.
As we know I’m a woo woo medium (which I'm still learning to share and talk about without fear), and I quickly realized spirit/the universe/whatever you want to call it has been
in the driver’s seat of all this stuff. I know when people see I'm feeling down, they will ask "did something
happen?" To which I would respond "Umm nope. Not really." It’s just coming up, as it’s meant to, because
spirit wants it to. On top of my own journey happening, there is also A LOT happening in the woo woo universe right now, and
so I’m finding that many people I talk to are experiencing similar things. The
whole purpose is for us to LET GO, of the junk that’s building up in our souls
and unknowingly holding us back, so we can be ALL that we are meant to be.
Isn’t that actually really lovely when you think about it that way? Even in a shit storm, you are being completely supported and loved by everything surrounding you. So comforting in many ways... but
it still sucks when you’re in it. I get it. Which is exactly why I decided to
write about this meow, because I KNOW a lot of people are experiencing similar
things to me. And whether you resonate with the woo aspect of it or not, know that
whatever is coming up you’re not alone, and it’s all for your highest good, and to help you become greater than you already are.
But that brings me to the how to deal. I like to fancy myself a veteran at self-development. I’ve done a lot
of it. I don’t proclaim to be perfect at it, by any means. But I certainly have
read, talked about and tried to do a lot of it in my years. So when I found myself in this place of
feeling a lot of ickiness again, I was cocky… Ok I know what to do about it.
I’m going to meditate, and I’m going to read these books that will help, and
I’m going to go for walks with dex… the trees always help me. And I’ll do
readings for myself and pull cards because spirit will explain it all. Oh and
I’m going to work out. And journal… yes that’ll be the kicker. I’ll do all the self-care.
Perfect. I got this. I know how to do pain and healing. Except I did all that
good stuff and none of it worked. Maybe for an hour after I’d feel
“better” but then, I’d be back right where I was before. What the shit? Why is none of this stuff
workinggggksdjfkaljshdflahrtr.
And that’s when spirit told me…
“Just sit with it”.
Um... no thanks.
“Sit with it”
Yaaaaa, I’d really like to not. Can I actually just meditate
a bit more and that’ll be good?
“Sit with it”
Ugh. Okaaaaaaay.
And so I did…And it HELPED. I laid in my bed, and literally
repeated those three words over and over again in my head. Sit with it. Sit
with it. Sit with it. And shortly the immense discomfort lifted, and I had some
realizations about it all. And then fell asleep and slept SO well (when leading up to that sleep seemed like the last thing that would be happening). Well shit.
Look at that. The next day, the little emotion gremlins came back in a new way,
and I thought “dammit I did what you said, I thought you guys were gone.” But again,
I was told to sit with it. And so I did, and the same things happened.
But here’s the thing… It never “fixed” the emotion or made
it disappear forever. And even since then I’ve had a few uber frustrated
moments about why I have to be drowned in emotion currently. And thankfully I
have wonderful people who help me through that irritation. But I keep coming
back to sitting with it. The feeling usually subsides, and lessens, and I get some moments of clarity. But the cycle repeats and again, I sit with it. Why? Because that’s what the healing is right now for
me. And I feel that may be the case with lots of us right now. The Latin word
for emotion is emotere which literally means “energy in motion”. Emotion =
energy in motion. How do we allow energy to move through us to where it needs
to go, and eventually heal and exit? We sit with it.
We spend our lives “fixing” the stuff that doesn’t feel
right. And there’s a very important place for all those healing tactics. But
what if we are also healed, in just allowing ourselves to be human, and feel a
little (or a lot) shitty sometimes. I created this identity after I
pulled myself out of the mud over the last few years, that I’m this person who
overcomes my “stuff” and is positive and happy and blah blah. And because of that I didn’t feel like I could allow myself
to feel “bad”. But that’s just not real. It’s BS that we have to or
even CAN feel good all the time. Our bodies, our minds, our souls KNOW how to
process emotion. I think sometimes we just don’t allow them to do it. Because
we are so afraid of it, because its really uncomfortable, and because we tell ourselves these emotions are bad. But they aren't. They are what make us human. And I promise you...You can survive the energy in
motion.
I want to just add a small disclaimer that this is not in
reference to mental health issues, but more just the ebbs and flows of life. If
you are suffering from mental health issues, there is NO SHAME in seeking help
outside of yourself through a multitude of avenues if you need it. I have done
that and I love and support others who have too. Always follow your heart, it
always knows what you need.
That’s the end of this ridiculously long novel… I hope my
sharing helps you to just sit with it. I’m still working on it. And I promise
you it’ll be hard at times. But I think it’ll be worth it.
xoxoxo
